one of my favourite hymns, come thou fount, there is a lyric that reads: let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. my wandering [moving aimlessly about] heart. prone to wander, Lord, i feel it, prone to leave the God i love.

this week was silly. finding motivation was difficult [honestly, a rare occurrence for me,] days felt long, my energy levels were at an all-time low, i was sick of the rain, sick of being alone at home [but too tired for people at the same time; introvert curse] — simply put: i was not myself. i hate that feeling. sometimes the late winter brings little “funks” my way. i am not a moody person but being human, when these moods do come, i have the tendency to indulge. want some helpful hints for making sure an “off day” stays an “off day” and if you’re lucky, turns into an “off week?” sure, glad you asked!!

1) absolutely, by all means, don’t work out — you know it’ll only make you feel better when you get home from the gym. how awful! 2) if you’re in the habit of snacking a little too much, keep going. why stop now? 3) constantly think about how frustrating it is not feeling like yourself. 4) definitely text a friend about ALL OF IT. be sure to include lots of words like “blah” and “unmotivated” and complain about the gross weather.

those are the worst ideas of LIFE. 

no sooner had i pressed “send” on my miserable text and put my phone down… boom! conviction. oh no. hold UP, jamie delaine. this train stops now. there was a #5 on my handy list of tips: all week, avoid spending any considerable length of time in prayer & leave your Bible unopened until you ‘get around to it’ after work.

ouch.
oh, my wandering heart.
where had my dedicated time in prayer each morning gone?
where had my hunger for the Bible gone?
self-discipline can disappear in one, crazy, week.

i closed my computer, curled up on my bedroom floor and prayed. i repented of my wandering ways & my stubborn emotions. God has created me with a mighty purpose, loves me and knows me better than any human ever will and He is in constant pursuit of my heart. when i don’t feel Him close, it is not because He is far. He is always near — I am the wanderer. when i isolate myself from the One who gives purpose and abundance, it is no surprise when i feel purposeless or lack.

a relationship with Jesus is daily bread. sustaining a healthy, active life full of big dreams [and the energy to achieve!] on one crouton a day is impossible. why expect a minute of prayer at night to produce a different result? He is my daily bread. my breakfast, my snack, my lunch, my snack, my dinner, my dessert. out of my relationship with Jesus flows every single good thing that my heart could ever produce. love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control [galations 5:22-23] – qualities that do not come natural to me.

apart from Him, i can do nothing [john 15:5] & this week, my wandering heart got a reality check. my priorities needed an overhaul. i humbly ran back into the arms of a Saviour who loves unconditionally, personally and abundantly, who forever offers grace, forgiveness, mercy and never condemns my wandering. i’ll leave the jogging for my three mile route, those arms demand an all-out sprint.

i am really into thinking. i spend the majority of what i consider my “downtime” alone. my brain is made to analyze, to put my thoughts into neat little boxes. i take those boxes and i form conclusions by writing journals. being able to recognize my weaknesses through life lessons, make an action plan on how to fix said weaknesses and move on is a rewarding challenge to me. it’s how i grow.

but there can be a problem with all this thinking. it only involves me. that turns dangerous real fast. proverbs 18:1 says: whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire. my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions, my opinions, my needs, my dreams, my plans. i have been challenged with this question lately: is it possible for my thought life to become one with my prayer life? i would venture to say it is never beneficial for the two to be separate. what thought could i ever need to ponder independent of the word of God and His truth?

in 1 Thessalonians 5 we are instructed to: rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances. big statement. pray without ceasing. here’s the deal, though. i think without ceasing. i have an active brain. what if i began to turn every thought into a prayer? all of a sudden, i would find myself praying without ceasing.

i can think about the brokenness of my heart for months — or i can pray about my hurt and confusion and trust God to make me whole again. i can think about the friend situation that is annoying me — or i can pray about my frustration and allow God to transform my mind to see that friend like God sees them. i can think about how overwhelming work and the daily stresses of life are, or i can pray that God would give supernatural strength, energy and purpose to my day. i can think about the insecurities of my heart or i can pray and invite God to speak peace, love and confidence to those fears.

In Ephesians 3, Paul writes: And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. I am far from understanding God’s love fully — clearly declared an impossible feat –  but I do know a few things. God wants to be a part of my life: my every single thought in every moment of every day. He isn’t afraid of my sin, my shame, my weaknesses, my fears, my worries. He wants to be invited into all of that — because He has the power to forgive my sins, set me free from my shame, make me strong in my weaknesses, bring peace to my fears and give me a future full of Hope.

the most beautiful moments in my prayer life have been in confusing seasons. it’s as if God is saying, see! this! this is what i want. i want to hear from you. open, honest, transparent. depending on the only One who will never fail you, pouring out the heart i loved and created to be in communion with me.

i feel safe in His love.
i am fully known; i am fully loved.
how easily i forget this.

i love podcasts. i tweet the sermons i am listening to often because i can’t help but share a good thing. there is a ton of knowledge available to us in this internet age. it used to be that you would hear the pastor of the church you attended and that’s all you got. maybe somebody would give you a taped recording of another sermon. but to have thousands available to you at the click of a button? brilliant. i never tire of hearing the word of God preached. i listen to one or two a day while i work [editing or formatting pictures for blog posts. i can't write emails or blogs with other words in my head.] lately i have been enjoying running to podcasts much more than music as well. here are some of my favourite podcasts, you should check ‘em out!

1. my wonderful youth pastor justin reimer: revolution movement [youth & young adults] – these are the sermons we hear every tuesday night at our youth/young adult gathering. can’t say i listen to the podcast… because i am there every week. but i needed to include revolution on this list. ;)

2. so blessed by rich wilkerson jr: the vous [young adults] – rich & his wife dawnchere lead a young adults gathering every tuesday night in miami, florida. his messages are relevant and challenging. i have been enjoying his “single and ready to mingle” series lately, all about the value of where God has you. if you’re single, He has a purpose for that and a specific calling for this season. live it fully. and likewise, if you’re already married, of course.

3. judah smith: the city church – the youth group i grew up in attended generation church conference every year, which is the youth group of the city church in seattle. back in the day, judah smith was the youth pastor, but after his father wendell smith passed away a few years ago from cancer, judah and his wife chelsea became the senior pastors of the church. i love his teaching. and chelsea’s. she can preach with the best of them.

4. steven furtick: elevation church – i started listening to steven’s messages after the release of his first book, sun stand still. [which i wrote about on my list of favourite faith books] — really challenged by his practical sermons on faith, finances, relationships, etc, if you’re looking for a series to start on, Hebrews 12 stands out in my mind.

5. mark batterson: national community church – started listening to mark’s sermons after the release of the circle maker, also on my list of favourite faith books. every now and then i hear a sermon that will stay with me forever. they are few and far between, because honestly, i heard a stat once that 95% of every sunday sermon goes in one ear and out the other unfortunately. ;) his abraham & isaac sermon is still on my mind today — look for it on iTunes.

6. mark driscoll: mars hill church – ohh the controversial, opinionated mark driscoll. i don’t agree with every single piece of information he says, but overall, i am a huge fan of his teaching. i love how he is all about raising up strong men in the church, strong families and strong marriages. he is passionate about ministry flowing out from strong homes. love all his sermon series, especially his latest on real marriage.

a few honourable mentions
[last minute additions -- none of these are in order of preference anyway!]
7. craig groeschel: lifechurch
8. perry noble: newspring church

any other podcasts that you love? share!