we hosted almost nine hundred youth & young adults at our annual youth conference on february 3 – 5. we were blessed to have three amazing speakers for the weekend, pastor james murray from san diego [originally australia], pastor rich wilkerson jr from miami and our own youth pastor justin reimer. the conference kicked off friday evening, went all day saturday & sunday — two and a half days full of worship by our incredible team, special music guests theroyalroyal and as mentioned, awesome speakers. this was my third time attending conference and i was more involved than i had been for the previous two years. one of my jobs was incorporating social media into conference: twitter, instagram, facebook and the other was photography [shooting, of course, but also coordinating the team who helped me.]

the Lord has always spoken specific things to me at conference. i remember the “words” and direction i received the first two years during services, and this year, it was spoken through serving. the amount of volunteers, interns & leaders needed to put on this event is overwhelming. the work leading up to the weekend, the work of the weekend, the work during tear-down at midnight when everybody is running on four hours of sleep and dead-exhausted: it’s a lot. [clarification: i didn't tear down. i was in bed. whoops. but there were more servant-hearted people who did.] i had a very small part to play and i stood amazed at how God has designed the church. i believe in the church. i believe the church has faults, the church will burn people, the church will make mistakes. none of this surprises me! because the church is full of people learning to love. learning to love is messy. but it’s also beautiful.

1 corinthians 12: For the body does not consist of one member but of many... If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 

the girl that was in charge of shopping for pretty smelling soaps and bobby pins and hairspray and deodorant for the ladies’ bathroom is no less important than one of the pastors. the facility person who was up at 5am every morning to open the church doors for prep work has a valuable role to play. the cafe baristas who poured espresso all day long for conference attendees are cherished. [that one is obvious...] the interns who stood at the doors smiling and greeting are vital. God has a place to serve for every person — and church isn’t something we attend, it’s something we do. we serve, we lead, we grow. proverbs 11:25 says the one who waters will himself be refreshed. what a cool promise.

there you go, just a few of my thoughts. here’s a few photos of what went down. if you’d like to see more, check out the revolution fan page. some of these photos are by josh yong + ryan tam.

it would be awesome if i never failed. i’d never give up, i’d care for others more than myself, i’d be content with what i have, i wouldn’t boast, i wouldn’t insist on going first, i wouldn’t get angry, i wouldn’t keep track of other’s faults, i would delight in the truth, i would put up with anything because i could trust God with the outcome and always look for the best. [juuuust like it says in 1 corinthians 13. i stole those words.]

last year, i learned a lot about the big mistakes our love can make. i learned that those big mistakes can turn into bigger ones when left in my idiotic hands. i learned that, thank God, i am not alone in this — the love of others makes mistakes. i learned how important it is to forgive… but a thousand times more revolutionary, i experienced what it is to be forgiven.

every conversation between friends is secured by an [often unspoken] promise. i am telling you this [from my heart] because i trust you [and that you will hold this in your heart.] i stomped right on that promise last year. accidentally. whatever that even means. my head told me: run, bury it, work harder, you’ll forget the mistake you made soon. i tried that. it didn’t work. sin can’t be buried, turns out it needs to be forgiven. sin doesn’t fade, turns out it grows.

i wanted to hide but instead i confessed. i was forgiven… but then things got worse. freakinidiotjamiedelaine, i ended up caught in another lie in the middle of apologizing. bury it! i tried that again. [you think i would have learned.] fast forward twenty-four hours, i am weeping reading through the book of Romans. “I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?”

my soul had never felt such heaviness of its sin before. i picked up the phone, hitting “call” before i could change my mind. i could barely talk for crying, but after blubbering the same things over and over about my sinfulness, the voice on the other end interrupted. in one simple moment, i was forgiven. for the second time in a weekend, for a second mistake far worse than the first. not reamed out and shamed and half-heartedly forgiven but completely forgiven. that “unnatural” ability to offer grace was the supernatural love of Christ at work in my friend’s life.

Romans 5: 6-9 says that “while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.”

God took my sin and through His love shown in my friend’s life turned it into an opportunity for growth. in a tangible way, i was given a fresh understanding of what it is to be forgiven. sin’s burden lifted and the overwhelming relief of forgiveness–too good to be true!–continues to shape how i see the love of God. in light of God’s forgiveness for all of my sins, i will serve Him. this life of service is not because “God forgave me so i am obligated to do this,” but it is a life of service motivated by grace. God’s grace [full of love, kindness, mercy] has compelled me to serve [with my money, gifts/talents, time] because a forgiven soul knows no greater joy.

[this piece was written on december 26, 2011 as a guest post for a blog called 20-somethings. it's not online yet there but will be soon. it was really fun to have the challenge of a structured topic: "note to self." enjoy.]

every year for the past five years, i have left a simple little note to myself on the huge tupperware we store christmas supplies in. hey jamie in december 2006: you’re sixteen now. congrats. hope you’re doing good & that you learned a lot this year. you’re fun. every christmas season i pull the container out of the storage room & without fail, the note catches me off guard. hey 21-year old jamie. i don’t know what this year held for you: but i pray that it was full of growth and joy and life. love, 20-year old jamie. i love silly little milestones. thinking back to who the girl that wrote december 2010′s note was… and who the girl reading them is now.

due to the unfortunate laws of time [he's always in a rush, won't slow down for anything] the only girl i can write for is next year’s jamie. but wouldn’t it be a gift to draft a letter to my sixteen year old self? oh, the things i could share with her over an americano. not tea. an americano, because she recently taught herself to like coffee & she’s on a roll.

dear sixteen-year-old-jamie,

merry christmas. you’re almost halfway through your grade eleven year — the year you swore you’d never make it through. staring at two more full years of high school in september seemed overwhelming — but you’ll be glad you persevered. your last couple years on that private school campus, with it’s impressive-looking brick buildings and the bustle of plaid kilts in the hallways will soon be a distant memory. you are starting to realize that you are different than the others… the thoughts that consume your brain aren’t on the minds of other teens. the launch of your photography business, longing to travel the world, wishing for the year where you could wake up and organize your time how you felt like it. it feels like a lonely road… and it is. some days will be harder than others. i understand why you count down every day of put on my uniform, grab my books, see how much class i can appropriately skip, wait until three o’ clock. desperately longing for your graduation date of june 2008.

life will start when i graduate. that was the thought you held onto — and although many well-meaning people will tell you these are the best days of your life! responsibility and hard work comes after graduation! enjoy the teen years! they were wrong. your best days did start after high school and surprise! responsibility & hard work are not to be shied away from… but as you envisioned, they are to be enjoyed, celebrated, as you steward your God-given gifts.

the photography business you will start six months from now, in june 2007, will flourish beyond what you could imagine. you have a small dream right now — i see you reading forums and books for hours a day, soaking up every bit of knowledge you can find. keep at it. you will enjoy the process of determining what success is to you — not what it is to your friend circle, within the photo industry, or even your parents — but what success means in the context of how you feel called to live your life.

for the first two years, you’ll work too much. graduating at seventeen, you’ll spend your first summer building your business full-force. you’ll breathe your business, the photography industry, the “next step.” but soon, some incredible photographers will become a part of your life — women like sarah barlow and kristen snyder — that inspire you, challenge you, balance you… in a way that you have never known before.

nineteen will be a year of change. you’ll make the difficult decision [but such an incredible one] to move churches — a big step, but one that will be confirmed in your spirit with every passing month. it will be a year of building true friendships… and you’ll learn to stop hiding your differences. yes, you’re type-A. yes, you can be a little intense, a little analytical — but these friends will love you and sharpen you and challenge you. no, they won’t be like you [praise the Lord for that, sometimes i feel like two of our personality would be too much] but they will accept you.

get your bible & journal ready; be prepared to soul search. in 2010, God will start breaking your heart for the things that break His — and you will never be the same. your years of businessbusinessbusiness thinking will quickly turn to ministryministryministry, as you grasp that He is the only thing worth living for. it will be a giant pile of paradoxes: beautiful & ugly, enjoyable & frustrating, difficult & effortless — as God shapes your heart from the ages of nineteen to twenty-one.

growth is not achieved through comfortable situations. how could God point us to Him and Him only if everything was turning out exactly the way we always imagined? we wouldn’t need Him. look upon hard situations & unideal outcomes in light of His plan: His plan that is beautiful beyond our dreams. in His incredible goodness, He will allow trials into your life: criticism of your character, unforeseen challenges in your business, relationships conflicts, big life changes.

face these trials with the wisdom spoken of in James 1: when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. for you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. so let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. you’ll learn that you can have great joy regardless of your circumstances. as you cling to joy, you’ll learn that God delights in ordaining peace for you [Isaiah 26:12] — and peace is the greatest gift.

sitting at starbucks with a coffee, thinking about the boxing day wedding i am about to photograph this afternoon… i suppose it’s time for me to wrap this letter up. [and yes, isn't that great that we get to drive alone and make decisions like showing up at starbucks at 8am on a holiday before the world is awake just because we feel like it? your day is coming.]

my final piece of advice: don’t rush your teenage years — i won’t claim being sixteen is better than being twenty-one — because it wasn’t. but i will promise you that God is good, His timing is perfect and where He has you right now is where He desire you to be. as you walk through the walls of your high school, look outside yourself. i know it’s hard — you have your own plans — and compassion is not your strong suit, but get your face into the Bible and ask God to transform your mind with His Word. pray for the people around you that don’t “get it,” even if many of them are Christians in claim — but they don’t understand the life and joy and love and peace and salvation we have in Jesus.

God has some beautiful things ahead of you, sixteen-year-old girl.
and some beautiful things ahead of me, twenty-one-year old woman.

choose joy. He is soooo faithful.