spring is here in vancouver and that means longer days, slighter warmer temperatures and the occasional appearance of a fiery ball in the sky. life feels fresh. the season of life i am in right now feels fresh. i am excited about the upcoming wedding season. excited to look back in november on my hard drive under a folder called “weddings” and see twenty-five folders with the names of couples on them. all those wedding days, captured, edited, delivered. i thrive off that feeling, that feeling of productivity, of looking at a finished job well done, of persevering through a crazy work season. this business fits me.

i want to define what being disciplined in every area of my life looks like. a few weeks ago i wrote about discipline in my prayer life… and i know these are thought processes i return to every year. discipline isn’t something i can learn once, put it in my pocket and enjoy the rewards of all the days of my life. discipline is a continual process. the opportunity to be disciplined is granted to me every morning. i have choices. i can make the wrong ones. some days i pray an hour a day, some days i give God five minutes. some meals i stop eating after a moderate portion, some meals i eat too much. in some moments of stress, i give headspace to thoughts i shouldn’t, or worse — i vocalize those thoughts.

at revolution, we’ve been working through a series on dating & relationships. one week’s sermon was titled how to be a woman worth dying for and pastor justin preached through proverbs 31. a woman worth dying for is trustworthy [11], free from commitment issues [12], works diligently [13-14], a hard worker and early riser [15], has learned to think logically [16], works vigorously and maintains a standard of health [17], knows her own value [18], generous and seeks to do good [20], dresses well [22], but her focus is being clothed with strength and dignity [25], has no fear of the future [25], speaks with wisdom and kindness [26], does not tolerate idleness in her life [27] and… is honoured by her husband and children.

one of my favourite “Christian-ese” words is sanctification. it’s the process of becoming like Christ as we read the Bible, pray, grow in understanding of God’s love. saved by God’s grace, in my imperfection, but yet called on to be more like Him every morning. this process is slow. it is humbling. proverbs 31 is an impressive list — but rather than be overwhelmed, i choose to be encouraged — these attributes are exciting things to seek after.

ps. i’ve been working on discipline in the area of health & exercise lately. [insert laughter from my friends here... jamie, the girl who always watches what she eats and exercises six times a week.] i want health to become a default setting — to truly honour the body i’ve been given. been running a lot more… and feeling amazing. little pictures like the ones below get me fired up. hah! ;)

although i often take it easy in february/march claiming “hey, this is my [so-called] summer break,” taking it easy in my life doesn’t usually classify dragging myself out of bed, walking around in a light-headed, exhausted heap and watching four gilmore girls episodes a day on the couch. i don’t get sick often — one cold every 1-2 years — accompanied by obvious symptoms that clue me in, oh! i’m sick. i blamed my lack of energy on the weather, on one morning cup of coffee instead of two, on laziness or a bad mood [see this post.] yesterday, i woke up with arms that weighed one hundred pounds. [rough estimate] i racked my brain for explanations. it felt like muscle soreness after an intense arm workout… but i haven’t lifted anything heavier than a coffee cup in weeks. so strange. putting on my sweater was [and still is today] quite uncomfortable.

my mom goes to a water aerobics class at the pool. after her workout, she relaxes in the hot tub with the usual ‘hot tub crowd.’ one of the old guys was chilling. mom asked, how are you doing? he said, better! thanks for asking! – mom interjected here to me: i didn’t know he wasn’t doing well. glad i asked. — he continued, finally got over that dang flu. came slowly, left slowly, the mildest fever but achy all over, sluggish and zero energy. it was sneaky. unlike a typical flu. — mom texted me the news, true peterson style. blunt, nothing but the facts: you have the flu. hot tub guy says its going around. you’ll be fine.

i have been dreaming fun things. this possibly relates to the above news because flus can do silly things to your brain. i’ve taken note of four dreams and forgotten two of them already. 2/4 isn’t bad. first dream, last week. i dreamed it was august 8th, the night before kristen and caleb’s wedding in maryland. i am a bridesmaid. the evening of august 8th i was still in langley. i had forgotten about her wedding. i called kristen and her family on a Skype conference call–we made red-eye flight arrangements for me to get to maryland. it’s okay, it’s okay. we can do this. i’ll arrive at 6am with this option, sleep for an hour, get up, get ready, do the bridesmaid thing and sleep post-reception. best part about my flight schedule? [because i made it in time, duh] flying vancouver to regina [saskatchewan] to blooming dale [ontario] to baltimore [maryland.] when i awoke, i googled bloomingdale to see if it was a real place. it was. this amazed me. how did my sub-conscious know this? kristen. i will not forget your wedding. i will be there two days early to help.

second dream, two nights ago. i was flying back into montreal [don't know why] with my parents. i got the same heart-racing feeling as our flight landed in the late-afternoon, like on november 2 when i started my quebec trip. i walked through downtown montreal with mom & dad pointing out this is the bench i sat on one afternoon! this is the coffeeshop i read in for four hours! this is the street i photographed–empty–in the pouring rain. i remember being so overwhelmed and having my eyes fill with happy tears as i walked around. mmmm loner memories in quebec. i look forward to taking someone i love back there someday. i will smile and cry happily as we walk through the streets.

i want to try to get back to montreal this year. it’s only been six months, but i miss it.
[email me if you want me to shoot you there. i'll fly no-charge. true story.]

#randomtuesday

one of my favourite hymns, come thou fount, there is a lyric that reads: let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. my wandering [moving aimlessly about] heart. prone to wander, Lord, i feel it, prone to leave the God i love.

this week was silly. finding motivation was difficult [honestly, a rare occurrence for me,] days felt long, my energy levels were at an all-time low, i was sick of the rain, sick of being alone at home [but too tired for people at the same time; introvert curse] — simply put: i was not myself. i hate that feeling. sometimes the late winter brings little “funks” my way. i am not a moody person but being human, when these moods do come, i have the tendency to indulge. want some helpful hints for making sure an “off day” stays an “off day” and if you’re lucky, turns into an “off week?” sure, glad you asked!!

1) absolutely, by all means, don’t work out — you know it’ll only make you feel better when you get home from the gym. how awful! 2) if you’re in the habit of snacking a little too much, keep going. why stop now? 3) constantly think about how frustrating it is not feeling like yourself. 4) definitely text a friend about ALL OF IT. be sure to include lots of words like “blah” and “unmotivated” and complain about the gross weather.

those are the worst ideas of LIFE. 

no sooner had i pressed “send” on my miserable text and put my phone down… boom! conviction. oh no. hold UP, jamie delaine. this train stops now. there was a #5 on my handy list of tips: all week, avoid spending any considerable length of time in prayer & leave your Bible unopened until you ‘get around to it’ after work.

ouch.
oh, my wandering heart.
where had my dedicated time in prayer each morning gone?
where had my hunger for the Bible gone?
self-discipline can disappear in one, crazy, week.

i closed my computer, curled up on my bedroom floor and prayed. i repented of my wandering ways & my stubborn emotions. God has created me with a mighty purpose, loves me and knows me better than any human ever will and He is in constant pursuit of my heart. when i don’t feel Him close, it is not because He is far. He is always near — I am the wanderer. when i isolate myself from the One who gives purpose and abundance, it is no surprise when i feel purposeless or lack.

a relationship with Jesus is daily bread. sustaining a healthy, active life full of big dreams [and the energy to achieve!] on one crouton a day is impossible. why expect a minute of prayer at night to produce a different result? He is my daily bread. my breakfast, my snack, my lunch, my snack, my dinner, my dessert. out of my relationship with Jesus flows every single good thing that my heart could ever produce. love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control [galations 5:22-23] – qualities that do not come natural to me.

apart from Him, i can do nothing [john 15:5] & this week, my wandering heart got a reality check. my priorities needed an overhaul. i humbly ran back into the arms of a Saviour who loves unconditionally, personally and abundantly, who forever offers grace, forgiveness, mercy and never condemns my wandering. i’ll leave the jogging for my three mile route, those arms demand an all-out sprint.